We all dream of finding lasting love: the meet-cute, the happy marriage, the happily ever after. But why does it sometimes feel like even the best relationships can crumble? Often, the answer lies in our unconscious expectations.

Many of us hold the unspoken belief that our partner should be our soulmate - someone who completes us, thinks exactly like us, and wants exactly what we want. This desire for total unity can morph into a need to control and become one entity. "We" becomes more important than "me" and "you." We expect constant togetherness, shared interests, and identical ways of thinking. Any deviation from this perceived ideal leads to hurt feelings, withdrawal, and accusations.

Unveiling the Control Disguised as Love

Beneath the surface of wanting a soulmate often lies a deeper desire for control and security. We want our partner to conform to our expectations because it makes us feel comfortable. Phrases like "to make me feel better" or "to make things easier for me" reveal this focus on our own needs, rather than on genuine respect and acceptance of our partner as an individual.

Breathing Room: The Key to Happiness

The key to a happy relationship lies not in clinging to your partner, but in letting them breathe. Both partners need the freedom to pursue their own interests, desires, and feelings. This doesn't mean neglecting the relationship, but rather fostering a space where individuality thrives alongside connection.

Enjoying Your Partner, Not Just Needing Them

Relationships are not about fixing someone or finding someone to complete you. True happiness comes from appreciating your partner for who they are, flaws and all. It's about finding joy in their life and accomplishments, even if they don't always align with your own.

Compatibility: It's About Wanting, Not Needing

Shared interests are a bonus, but they aren't the foundation of a strong relationship. Compatibility is more about creating a space where both partners feel comfortable being themselves, even if they have different hobbies or dreams.

Seeking Professional Support: Building Stronger Relationships

If you're struggling with unrealistic expectations or controlling tendencies in your relationship, consider seeking professional help.

Recommended Specialists:

• Couples Therapists: A couples therapist can provide a safe space for you and your partner to explore your individual needs, communication styles, and underlying expectations. They can equip you with tools for building a stronger, healthier relationship based on mutual respect and understanding.

Remember, a happy relationship isn't about finding someone who mirrors you perfectly. It's about creating a space where you can both grow, explore, and be your authentic selves, together.